Introducing WP and Mr. B

I'm laying down, ready for bed. My teeth are brushed, my hair clean, all decked out in pjs. WP, my boy toy of sorts, keeps waffling on whether or not he is coming over. "I'm horny, and your so sexy" one minute and " I'm so tired" the next. My half of the conversation goes from " Ok, well come over then " to " Alright, I'll see you tomorrow" and back again. All the while my traitorous mind is on Mr. B, who I am galliantly trying to swear off.

Mr B. is an enigma in his addictiveness. I can both see why I would be attracted to him and why it's fascinating that I am attracted to him. At first glance he comes off as kind of gruff. Rude even. Rude is deffinately not my type. However after spending time with him, you discover that he is a complex, intellegent, dare I say "sensitive" soul. What comes off as rude at first is really just blunt honesty. I find this blunt honesty refreshing, particularly after the small town pastor's daughter up bringing I've had. It's nice to have someone not even trying to hide their imperfections or sins. He's the kind of man a women might try to fix, but I like him as he is. Intence, mysterious, self depricating and really really caring and sweet (though I'm not supposed let that get out) However Mr. B is not the man for this moment. Maybe someday. I would like that quite a bit. Not right now, though. Right now, there is WP.

WP is a handsome, funny, tallented drummer. We met when I played a show with him, and one of my first thoughts was " that man would be excellent for a fling". And he is. A man-child , he reads comic books, plays in multiple bands, and works...and I guess is seeing two other women. When he finds the time to see them is beyond me, but since this is a fling and he isn't trying to pull the whole jealousy stupidity, I don't really care. He is, however, annoyingly wishy-washy.

Any way, there you go. A little bit of back story on two gentlemen that are starting to play regular roles in my life.

La Vida Loca

I have two particularly embarrassing addictions. The first is witchy chick-lit. The second, very bad but dance-able pop music. It's not that I have anything against others that love cheesy romantic literature and cruddy pop music, it's the shock that registers on people's faces when it's ME that is holding the latest Candace Havens novel and dancing around to Robyn's "You Can't Handle Me" as it blasts at high volume through the ear buds of my i-pod. I don't know.

I suppose there is a large contrast between The Indie Band Survival Guide or I Will Teach You To Be Rich, and The Demon King and I. However, both serve parallel purposes that might not seem immediately apparent. Of course I read business and money managing books because that is the main focus of my life right now. I want success. No, I want more then success, I want independence. I want it so bad that I stay up late reading about web 2.0 and social networking strategies. I want it so bad that I just sent an e-mail to a multi-millionaire reminding him of an appointment that we had agreed upon but had not gotten to make good on due to conflicting schedules. I want it so bad that despite the Scandinavian social anxiety and the fact that I live in the mecca of the socially inept, I GO OUT AND TALK TO PEOPLE IN AN EFFORT TO GET THEM TO GO TO MY SHOWS.

Similarly, I read my witchy romance novels because the women in them are almost always intelligent, successful, independent, and interesting and that inspires me to be all of the above. I point out the "witchy" part because this is certainly not true in much of the romantic genera. I don't read bodice ripper novels. About the last thing that appeals to me is some over muscled viking named Vlad sweeping me off my feet and taking me to his kingdom, no matter how well endowed. Actually particularly if he is well endowed. OUCH. Unless, of course, his kingdom is a music festival in Iceland where I will be paid very well and get to hang out with Bjork. Oops. Sorry, got distracted there.

Anyway, those particular stories are like fertilizer to my positive inner dialog. Offering a good blend between humor and don't take shit attitude, they offer a nice enough escape ( because thankfully they do not talk about 401ks and website optimization) while continuing to nurture that ever present urge to grab life by the sensitive bits and see what I can make of it.

I think the cruddy pop music has a similar effect. I have a mix in my i-tunes I have entitled pep talk, and it starts off with some Robyn, Britney Spears, I'm embarrassed to admit a bit of Pussycat Dolls... While I am not fond of these artists in particular( well, ok, I like Robyn but she also self released her last album on her own record label which means she is seriously bad ass) I do like the person that is projected in certain songs. For example: Womanizer. Don't particularly like Britney Spears. I don't think she deserves the media scrutiny she has gotten in the past (the tabloids do seem to love a fallen women, no?) I just don't think she is that talented. period. The only reason she sounds good at all is that she gets to work with some amazingly talented producers. The persona projected in Womanizer, however, is all about not getting pulled in by some masculine ruse. Thou shall not get victimized by the creepazoid no matter how pretty the face he wears. That, I can dig.

Do you have any slightly embarressing habits that contribute in mysterious or not so mysterious ways to your happiness? If you do, please do tell!

Reinvent Your Self Rock Star Style

Fall has always been a natural period of re-invention for me. I'm not sure if its due to the leaves dropping, the extended amount of time I have to spend inside, or a carry over from my school days. Whatever the reason, fall is prime time for a make over and who better to look at for inspiration then rock stars. The front women of our favorite bands and the pop stars we go to again and again are always changing things up, and there is no reason you can't as well. Here are some tips on how you can get in tough with your inner rock goddess:

Rock star tip #1) Re-inventing yourself isn't about changing who you are, it's about refocusing your attention on what attributes you would like to project to the world. If anything, it's about being even more fundamentally you, distilling what it is that makes you unique and projecting it. I worked my way through the book Style Statements a while ago and would highly recommend it as a way to get in touch with what that fundamental essence is. You don't need a work book to figure it out, though. Just take some time to get in touch with yourself. Play little girl style dress up with your closet. What are the things that make you feel most yourself in a sexy and playful way? Stick with those and build from there.

Rock star tip #2) Detox Your Inner Dialog. We all have our insecurities, but you don't have to let them rule your life. One thing that is essential to a good performance is confidence. If you don't believe you are any good, no one else will. Sometimes, this doesn't come naturally though, which is where the inner dialog comes in. You want your inner dialog to be something more like sexy romance novel and less like Bridget Jones Diary. You are collected, and cool, and doing amazing things with your life. Focus on the things you are proud of instead of the your faults. Every one is human, so don't beat yourself over the fact.

Rock star tip #3) If Anyone Doesn't Like You, Fuck 'em. What would rock stars be without their "who gives a damn" attitude. You have to have a thick skin to face the tabloids, or really to get any where in the music industry. For every door that opens there will be 100 more that have slammed in your face before that and you just can't take that kind of rejection personally. Certainly constructive criticism is helpful, mean spiritedness is not. Learn to tell the difference between the two, and if it falls into the latter category then don't give it another thought.

Rock star tip #4) Rock what you got. It's all about working the distinctive features that make you who you are. We are humans, not Barbies. Don't let any one else's standards define how you look at yourself. This fits with number three as well. Who are those people who may judge you based on your apperances to you? At the end of the day, the only person whose oppinion matters is yours, so love what you have. Take care of it. Moisturize, bathe, buy products that make you feel like a sex kitten. I am personally a fan of lacey undergarnments. I have a classic hour glass figure and wearing pin up style undergarments makes me feel proud of my wonderfully awesome figure.

Rock star tip #5) Have fun. All work and no play makes for a very dull girl. As with all rock star tips, personalize it. You don't have to be out at a club every night drinking way too much tequilla and dancing on the bar to be a rock star, you just have to know how to do the things that make you feel alive and seek those situations out. Like eating good food, take yourself out to a fancy dinner. Challenge yourself to find new things that you enjoy. Maybe ball room dancing is your passion, but you've always been to shy to get out those dancing shoes. Maybe you've always wanted to learn how to surf or sail, so go for it already. If you are always censoring yourself , telling yourself to be practical or moderate, you will miss out on a lot of amazing experiences! Don't do anything that makes you feel horrible, but do push your limits a little bit. You will be amazed how good it feels to do new things, meet new people and even loose control a little bit if you are in a safe environment.

So there you go. Five tips to nurture your inner rock star. Whether you are owning the office or the stage, I hope you find these helpful.

Is there a point to dating if you aren't looking for love?

I've recently overcome my romantic addiction, which is no small task as I've been in love with love since I was thirteen. Even more impressive, I overcame them without even realizing it. I just woke up last week and realized that I didn't feel the lonliness that once haunted me daily.

Most likely this next page in my life has evolved from focusing my energy on music. With the album release coming up November 3rd, getting the replication process started, working on gifts for my kickstarter.com contributers, and trying to build interest on the web and in person, I just don't have the time or energy to put into day dreaming about an ideal relationship like I used to.

More then just being busy, though, I think it finally clicked in my mind that while I WANT a serious relationship, right now isn't the right time for it. So while I may harbor the occasional day dream of cuddling on the back patio, watching the rain, and drinking coffee together with Mr. Someday, I realize that I want that AFTER I've established myself as an individual.

Great, right? Go me! Big pat on the back! Except this also means it's going to be a while before I get laid again. I suppose there might be a fling, maybe something semi-casual. I'm certainly not making any kind of vow and I AM a musician, here. We aren't exactly known for our puritanical tendencies. I just want to be kissed and held and loved more then I want the big O, and I want to be established as an adult and a musician before I let myself fall in the big L.

I do plan on dating still. Its been a great way to meet other people and the more I do it the better I get at creating boundries and sorting out the people I want to see again from those that I do not.

It's funny, it's like I have a whole different set of guidelines then other people. For me a "bad boy" is someone who feels the need to try and direct me towards success without caring that his standard of success is different then mine. They tend to either caution me away from my dream or tell me how to run it. The funny thing is, these guys are all more of what would qualify as "nice guys" in the rest of the world. You might not guess it based on their behavior, but they would fall into the upstanding, wholesome, successful category that most mothers would love to see their daughters with.

The "nice guys" in my world, the ones who encourage me, who give thoughtful advice when it is appropriate, who let me do things on my own and are there for me if something doesn't work out tend to fall into the more stereotypical "bad boy" category. Most likely because the guys who "get it" tend to be in the music industry; and the music industry is not known for it's crop of moderate drinking sweet hearts who go to Church every Sunday and call their Mom once a week to check up.

It's funny, I guess everyone has to create their own standards of what is compatible and what isn't.

Have you ever dated someone great that your friends or family thought was bad news?

What about the opposite? Have you ever dated someone who seemed like they were perfect at first, but didn't suit you at all?

So this is "The Life" eh?

I am sitting at the dining room table of the Tudor style house in south seattle, in which I co-preside with three boys, waiting for shape.com to load so I that I can make my very healthy dinner ( curried sweet potato soup) as I drink my very not healthy beverage (triple grey goose martini) ((don't worry Mom, I don't normally drink hard alcohol on a Wednesday)).

Having recently decided to work out an exit strategy* for my adult career as a receptonist perhaps one day some very unfortunate fools administrative assistant, I am feeling celebratory. The inspiration. Ms. Lauren Zettler's post on musician wages: Eff it...Quitting Your Job to Pursue (Insert Passion Here) I was imediately inspired to write to Ms. Zettler and let her know if she was ever coming through Seattle, I would hook her up (as they say on the streets). I don't really feel comfortable refering to her by first name until I get a responce. However, she did do a cover of a Black Sabbath song when I saw her play the Skylark this summer during my End Time days, which means I totally have been friend crushing for a while.

Ms. Zettler has chosen to do jingles for freelance, and more kudos to her, but I find myself hesitant to pursue a similar path. Vocals on other people's songs, sure. Selling my soul to the devil, obviously. But selling my song writing abilities, I'm not as sure. I guess I've always thought of my songs as similar to my eggs. There is a finite number of them that I can create in my life time. They get released every so often and if I do not capitolise on that creative impulse then they will be wasted, just another months blood down the toilet. Except, while I might be willing to part with my eggs ( I mean, come on, I drink Martini's on a wednesday. I am obviosuly not the "Mothering" type unless it has four legs and a furry coat) I just can't imagine myself parting with potentially catchy riffs or particularly potent lyrics for Madame Godfrey's Eightieth Birthday. I suppose I could use the not so great riffs/lyrics ( as was the case for a song I recently applied to sing vocals for) but would I really feel ok having my name attached to something admitedly meh?

A dilema certaintly.

What do you think? Am I crazy and probably have vast chambers of un-tapped jingle potential? Is artistic integretiy, the great overies of the musical mind, a limiting factor?
I leave it to you, my minuite but theoretically loyal readership.









*Don't fire me Jeff, this is a year long exit strategy at LEAST

What may have been the best Saturday of my Life

Here it is, another rainy fall day in Seattle. I'm sitting at the front desk, stuffing calendars and working on my second cup of coffee as it gets successively harder to wake up at a decent hour the darker it is in the morning.

This Saturday, though, I was giddy with joy. Downright full of intoxicating happiness. The reason? I was doing what I love, and beyond that, the doubts I had been harboring about pursing a career in music were largely erased. It started with getting the masters for my album sent to discmakers.com Saturday morning. Although we later discovered (read last night discovered) that there was some misunderstanding about which number needed to be used to label the art files I am hoping that is something that can be easily sorted out.

So first thing everything gets sent in, then i have to rush to FedEx/Kinkos to print off some last minute promotional supplies. Then I had to rush home, change into performance clothes, and ride out to Ballard where I was playing for Ella Mon's two year anniversary.

Every once in a while, I get to perform in a venue that is just so inspiring a space that it hardly feels like work to play for two hours. Ella Mon is such a place. A women's boutique in Old Town Ballard; Ella Mon's whimsical interior, beautiful clothes, and delightful staff including the owner, Monica, make it truly one of Seattle's treasures. Just watching the attention that was lavished upon each customer who entered during my two hour stint, it was easy to see that not only does Monica truely love what she is doing, her passion bubbles over to everyone that comes in. I can't wait to bring my Mom to Ella Mon when she visits, and I'm already scoping out Christmas gifts for my Aunt Char.

So, a few hours later Monica dropped me off at the Brandi Carlile concert, having shared briefly in the belief that pursuing ones passion is absolutely worth all of the risks involved, and I was feeling jazzed as I settled down in my seat in the balcony. I was jazzed for good reason, as it turned out, because it was an absolutely fabulous show. I really need to see good live music more often as that, coupled with playing regularly, always reminds me why I am doing what I'm doing. It's an instant source of energy renewal. I see terrific performers on stage and I think "Yes. THAT is what I'm meant to do. I might not be there yet, but someday that will be me"

Katie Herzig and band opened up the evening with their fun, whimsical brand of folk music. When Brandi Carlile finally took the stage it was so high energy and fun that not only did I sit still for over an hour (which, for those of you who know me, is phenomenal!) I wasn't even annoyed by the 10 year old girl I was sitting next to ( which is even more impressive) Now I can't wait to head to Bremerton for a jam session, even if it does mean I don't get to go grocery shopping until probably 10:30. It's worth it. This is my passion and I can't wait to have the CD in hand to share with you all!

You can read review of Brandi's Portland show on ICYDK.com

Remember you can now Pre-Order Heroically Lost Heroically found at my store as well as download my past recordings for free!

The One TV show I watch regularly

Roxie, from the TV show Eastwick, is my hero. While I've always been partial to witches, from Bewitched to Charmed, I think Roxie has to be my favorite. Maybe because Roxie is one of the first women that I've seen on T.V. that I would like to be. She's gorgeous, funny, fierce, artistic, and exudes that " I don't give a shit" confidence I would like to pretend I have. I seriously haven't been this excited about watching TV since Buffy The Vampire Slayer first came out when I was thirteen! And of course my favorite character on Buffy: Willow.

Don't get me wrong, I can relate to all of the main characters on Eastwick, which is probably why I watch it faithfully every Thursday off of my laptop. I can get Joanna's curiosity, quirky sense of humor, and lack of seduction skills. I can understand Kat's desire to TRY and forgive as well as that fierce protectiveness. However, Roxie is kind of like the woman in my head that I'm trying to be, and it's such a relief to see that woman on screen for once.

Eastwick is for me what Sex in the City was for many women. It's a celebration of female friendships, an exploration into what feminine power means (sometimes quite literally), and examination of morality all wrapped up in sexy, sassy packaging. I'm very curious to see where it goes.